One two separate occasions today I had conversations with friends about needy people. We all agreed that needy people, no matter how nice they appeared to be, are too draining to keep in our lives. As one friends put it, life's simply too short. These conversations made me think...kinda made me go "hummm".
As I said, we've all had friends and acquaintances who are just too needy to keep around. I'm sure you can think of at least one or two without giving it much thought. But then I started to think about people who are part-time needy. What I mean by that is someone who has moments of excessive neediness but isn't that way all the time. How do you maintain your relationship with that person?
Do you know someone who acts normal most of the time but when life deals them a curveball, they basically shutdown, freak out or go into the fetal position? These people will suck the life out of you when they're in a full-blown panic, almost like a drowning man who holds a lifeguard underwater until the rescuer has to make a decision...it's either him or me. Do you know someone like that? Maybe they are going thru a bad breakup or divorce...possibly a layoff or job transfer to Timbuktu...experiencing a illness personally or within their family...going thru foreclosure or bankruptcy....even trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant, have IVF treatments or adopt a child. These type of people don't seem to drain you over the little things, it's always the big moments in life, the one's that will make you feel really guilty if you pull away from them when they need you the most. But even though these friends don't drain you 24/7, they make up for it when they do. How do you handle a friendship with that person? Even if they are great most of the time, when life kicks them in the teeth, they expect your life to go into a holding pattern while you either solve their problem, listen to their nonstop complaining, witness their nervous breakdown or work up the nerve to shoot them in the behind with a tranquilizer dart big enough to bring down Secretariat!
So how do you handle those situations? If you follow the 80/20 rule, let's assume they are great 80% of the time but make you feel like you've been pulled thru a knothole backwards the other 20%... does the 80% carry you thru? Can you prep yourself during the good times enough to survive the 20%?
I don't know about you, but personally I don't think you can ever have too many tranquilizer darts....I'm just saying!
So what do you think? How do you feel? Thoughts? Comments? Hint, hint...COMMENTS! Come on people...get on board or this ship is sailing without ya!
4 comments:
I was very much like this person about 13 years ago. I went through a horrible divorce and I was consumed with ME. Fortunately, I had wonderful friends who stuck with me; and we are still best of friends. I frequently look back on that time and am SO thankful how God lifted me from that pit and has redeemed (100 times over) what was lost!
That's really interesting...I hadn't really thought about it from the part-time needy person's point of view. Obviously they aren't doing it just to be needy or they'd do it all the time. Thanks for giving me more to think about!!
I was raised by parents from a generation that believed in keeping family matters private, not to be shared with "outsiders". We were not allowed to be "needy". Women were silent, divorce was practically non-existant, just suffer in silence. Naturally, I lived my life the way I was taught. When I had rough spots I would do my best to keep it all together. My reward was years of migraines. I had several close friends that were always there for me, and I for them. At some point as I got older I decided that I only wanted friends in my life that I could be 100% honest with,no need to put on a front, no need to hide details of anything, regardless of what it was. Since retiring from a high stress job and accepting life as it is dealt to me I rarely have a headache. I have a number of acquaintences, but just a few friends that I would walk through fire for and they for me.
Donna
There are now many people where being needy is a way of life. I cannot cope with them. I can cope with those who have a need all of a sudden for reasons that I can understand. Those I (try to) help them to help themselves so that they will have the strength to cope in the future and the willingness to help others.
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