It's strange how coincidences occur. Before I took my sons to school this morning, I checked my email really quickly. I had received one from a daily wisdom newsletter that I subscribe to. In the past, the daily quote has covered subjects from spirituality to finances, you just never know what it's going to say. Today was a quote from Joan of Arc. She said, "I am not afraid. I was born to do this." It resonated with me immediately although I didn't give it much thought in the moment.
After dropping off my kids, I was walking out of their classroom with another mom. I knew a little about her from the parent's meeting during school orientation and a couple of other quick conversations but was about to learn a whole lot more. She was a non-practicing lawyer (tax law...yuck!), married, mother of two. Both kids have varying degrees of special needs. Her oldest is on the autism spectrum and functioning, but not highly functioning, at least not yet but he's only five. Her youngest is 2 1/2 and was adopted domestically. He suffers from several sensory issues and a few mental challenges probably due to spending nine months in the womb of his 13-year old meth-addicted birth mother and then another 6 months of infant neglect before being removed from her "care". NO, that was not a typo. I said THIRTEEN year old meth addict.
As we were walking down the hall she asked me if I was a stay-at-home mom. I answered that I work from home. She volleyed back with "do you work for a vendor?" Of course, that's a normal question for the area we live in and for some reason I've always sort of eased into that question and answer. But today, I didn't even hesitate. I just said, "no, I used to audit Walmart but now I just write." Her response was immediately open and excited. Of course she wanted to know what I'd published....can't wait to have an answer for that some day soon!
What was so amazing was how this conversation felt like 2nd nature to me. We talked about changing careers and life choices. She certainly understands. She went from being a tax lawyer (which she hated) to being a full-time mom heavily involved in occupational therapy because of her sons strict regime. She actually loves OT and is thinking about going back to school for it once both boys are in school. But still she was envious because she felt I was so blessed to have found my calling. Without realizing it, I heard Joan of Arc's words leaving my mouth. "I was born to do this", I said.
And you know what? I was born to do this. I know I've said it before and thought it too but today, maybe for the first time ever, I felt it. I FELT IT. I'm not saying I felt a firm resolve or determination. I felt it like it's a given fact....like the sun will rise tomorrow, I need oxygen to breathe or if you cut my skin, I will bleed. It was like I was saying, "I have two eyes, two ears, two arms, a nose and I am a writer." Published or not, I am a writer.
For the first time ever, I didn't feel anything when I said I am a writer. I didn't feel nervous saying it out loud or sort of excited hearing the words. I didn't feel anything because it just is...I have two green eyes although most people think they are blue and I am a writer.
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