So I had a session with my former therapist yesterday. He's helping me with my book as I try to put more of myself in it instead of just the chaotic episodes of my brother and sister. Remarkably it hasn't been too difficult to find my way back in although it has darkened my mood a bit. I suppose that's to be expected though...reentering the 3rd circle of Hell and all...although according to Dante, I guess my life probably consists of some of the 7th, 2nd and 4th with a whole lot of the 5th thrown in from me.
Re-reading my book, I feel somewhat disconnected from the girl who lived that story. Strange because I've always been able to put myself in a book or movie and really live the story right along with the main characters but in my own life I feel like the best friend who lived next door and lived the story vicariously. Believe me, vicariously is a much better way to view this story except when you're trying to remember facts over fiction.
As we talked about my teenage years and into adulthood, Scott kept focusing on things I'd done, or tried to do, that were so different from my family. Going to college. Working for 100% commission. Adopting from a foreign country. Choosing to be a single mom. Taking guardianship of my niece. Traveling the country and the world. etc, etc, etc...
He kept remarking about how I didn't have a mentor, someone close to me who'd gone before and paved the way. He seemed to think it was unusual to be such a risk taker in every area of my life since many people only stick their necks out in only one or two ways and most not at all.
I thought about his observation quite a bit last night. My parents were supportive of my decisions although I guess he's right, there wasn't a person or persons who'd been there and done that. It made me wonder...do most people have mentors that they emulate, whether consciously or not?
Looking back, I can see a few people that I had great respect for but I didn't talk to them about my plans or use their guidance to map out my life. My aunt Kay was very important to me but she was a lot like my parents, very supportive of my decisions but didn't push me in one direction or another. My dad's best friend, whom I named one of my sons after, was like a second father to me. He was a "glass is half-full" kinda guy, a risk taker in someways and definitely believed I could do anything. My uncle Peter was the smartest man I've ever met and he pushed me to use my brain and explore the world. I had several teachers who practically begged me to be a writer but I never entertained the idea out loud. My mom always wanted me to be and do whatever I wanted but I think my dad would have preferred I stayed close to home and played it safe.
I can't think of a single person who lived a life I wanted to duplicate. I guess maybe I had pieces of several people as mentors, if you could call them that. I think in reality they were more cheering audience than mentors which isn't a bad thing to have either.
So I guess the question is, if you could give credit to one person for making you who you are today....who would that person be? And would you thank them for it?
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