Brad Pitt said it best...

Brad Pitt is on the cover of a magazine this month...I can't remember which one.... and I just finished reading the article about him and his life choices. I've never been a huge fan of his. I think his acting is good enough but I've never been drawn to his body of work or him for that matter until recently. His work with architects in New Orleans building homes for Hurricane Katrina survivors, his openness to adoption, his belief that everyone deserves the right to marry if they choose....all these beliefs are in sync with my own. He's beginning to show a much deeper side of himself, something his movie role choices haven't always conveyed. And so I'm drawn to that. Suddenly he's interesting to me. That's probably why I read the article...because I wanted to see what he had to say. And he didn't disappoint me....


He said something that resonated with me...something I've never heard put quite so eloquently and so perfectly.  He said....

• “I’ve always been at war with myself, for right or wrong. I don’t know how to explain it more. There’s that constant argument going on in your head about this or that. It’s universal. Some people are better at dealing with it, and they sleep with no pain — not pain, arguments. I’ve grown quite comfortable with being at war.”

Those words are 100%, no 1000%, exactly how I feel. That's how my brain has always worked. There is a constant push-pull of looking back, digging for the truth, pushing forward, searching and seeking, calculated moves and weighed risks. It's a never ending battle that I fought to win for so many years but now I know it just is. It's not going away because it's how I am wired. I'm more explorer than conqueror, more curious than content. For a long time I considered it a demon to either out run or sacrifice myself to but finally I've become comfortable in this skin of mine.

I realize now that trying to learn how to conform to those around me is wasted time and effort. I'm not like everyone else because I walk on a different plane. Not a better or worse plane, but a different one. It's useless to attempt to morph my life into a box that everyone else seems to fit so easily in. I don't fit and it's time to stop making excuses for that. As one of my good friend's told me recently, I should be a Zen leader. I'm not completely sure what that encompasses in her mind but I know it was a very heart-felt compliment. I also know that she sees me as someone who doesn't fit inside the box but still has much to offer the world. I probably couldn't get a better compliment.

So now I know that I walk the world just a little bit differently than everyone else but when I meet Brad, at least we'll have something to talk about.